Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
