This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
