can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want her autograph on my taint
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
