let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
