So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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