I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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