You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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