i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
