check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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