I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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