I wannas sexs uuuuu
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
