i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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