If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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