I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
