Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
