I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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