Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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