is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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