I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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