So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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