babies were throwing up all over the place
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
