you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
