I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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