I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
