I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
