If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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