Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
