I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
