i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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