I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will pee on everything he values.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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