i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
