shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
