Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
