Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
