i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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