i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
