Little spoons don't ask big questions
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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