Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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