she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
