guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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