I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
