hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
