You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
