I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
