imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
