he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
