Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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