I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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