Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
