Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
