Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
