I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
