I bet he comes in French.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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