fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
