So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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