it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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