so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
