I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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