True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
